This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
