sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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