alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
