That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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