We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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