Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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