sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
