bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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