She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
