I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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