I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
