I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
