thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
