Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize