Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
smell my finger.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
