I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
