I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize