its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
