Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
