so that wasnt chicken after all
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
