God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love accidental penises.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
