I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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