So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
