Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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