Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
