whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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