You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
