Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
