Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize