She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
