I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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