I just pynch a tree in the face
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
