Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
