we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
