Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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