remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
did you just send me my own nude
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
