Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
