You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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