Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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