Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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