Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
