i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
