My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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