It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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