Can i not drive my cunt home
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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