taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
