feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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