I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
