So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pants are for mortals
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
