got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
