you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She made me pour olive oil on her.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
