he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
