I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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