You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
