It was confusing and full of hummus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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