Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
