oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
