Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
