I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
