Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
