Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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