no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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