just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
