I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
