after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
