I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
