my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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