I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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