It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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