shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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