I cannot find my penis.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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