my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
