u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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