you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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