Porn is love you can see.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
