I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
