I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
