Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize