how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
