this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
