Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
