Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
