So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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