The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
