I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
