i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
