For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
