My hand turned me down
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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