I heard we made out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on