Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.