Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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