you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.