When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
