I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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