Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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