I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
