I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
