The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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