He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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