mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
